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Friday, February 7, 2014

Grace

I just wrote this story here, at JJC. I think it's the most emotional thing I've ever written, for me at least. I'm curious to see if any of my readers can see any analogies or similarities to real events. Post your guesses in the comments!

Grace
By Josiah White
She sleeps; a sort of conceded contentment on her face. I thin mattress is below her; a wool blanket draped on her thin frame. Thin fingers on her right hand poke through a hole in her moth-ridden covering. She rolls over; her hand is hanging in mid-air. The ring falls off and hits the floor with a light ping, but she awakes suddenly, as if the very life she leads were crumbling about her…
            In a small town she lives, a ramshackle former duplex her house. The left side is gone, and cracks in the formerly shared wall grow ever wider as the wind bids. Inside, drywall dust sits in little tidy, obsessed over piles on the floor as insulation peeks through what remains of the walls. The ceiling is gone in places, revealing a second story where light from a broken window shines down, onto the threadbare carpet. Farther down the hall, which takes a left, is her room. Buried in the recesses of the house it is, like a cave deep in a dark mountain, a nook within a shelterless place. A mouse appears from nowhere, then a cat, feral and mangy. Past the bedroom door they run, the cat for its dinner, the mouse for its life. The door flies open as the girl chucks a broken brick at the commotion.
            “Confounded place!” she spat, but no sound came from her lips. She dared not disturb the wretched, artificial peace of the house. Suddenly, she heard a step outside. She froze. Nearer it came. Then he kicked down the front door.
            “Mr. Smith?” she called weakly down the hall.
            “Please, call me…” he began.
            “I can’t, it’s too…” She paused, not sure what to say. She rarely talked, and subjects like the past or her emotions she rarely broached, even in the silence all alone.
            “It’s too… recent.”
            “But it’s been thirteen years since…”
            “Stop!” she fairly screamed. Tears flooded her eyes and then froze on her cheeks.
            “Not this year, I can’t do it,” she resolutely declared.
“Your must; you can’t live here forever!”
“Besides, thirteen is an unlucky number,” She observed.
He paused as he muttered, “As if luck exists here…”
“Life is good outside of here,” he insisted in softer tones. “You need to let go of the past.”
“No!” she screamed, and fell to the ground, sobbing. A fire flashed through her mind, singing every desire to leave with red guilt. The smoldered ruins of her past haunted her, while screams of death provided a ghastly soundtrack. She couldn’t leave them, couldn’t let go. She deserved to be here, after that wretched day. An electronic buzzing interrupted her thoughts. She turned to look at the clock… 15:80. The mocking numbers laughed cruelly as she blinked them back to normal… 15:00 military time. 3:00 normal time.
Mr. Smith was gone. Suddenly, she wanted to go with him, too leave this awful place, but it was too late.
“Oh, well, he’ll be back next year as usual,” she sighed. But then it dawned on her: it wouldn’t get any easier with time. She needed to go; leave this ghost town of her past.
“Mr. Smith!” As she ran out of the house, she jumped right over the broken door. As she flew through the doorframe, she realized that she was free, free from her burdens, free from the past.

“Thank You, God, for Mr. Smith.”

8 comments:

  1. I liked this sentence:

    "Past the bedroom door they run, the cat for its dinner, the mouse for its life."

    15:80? That's not a time. What do you mean by it?

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  2. I just changed that part a little-does it make more sense now?

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  3. I like it... it is a cool analogy of the Grace that God shows us, the realization that "She needed to go; leave this ghost town of her past." it is like she is realizing that her scars are not who she is, and as she "jumps over the broken door" she is taking a leap of faith and she is letting go of the past... as you said...
    "free, free from her burdens, free from the past."
    I don't know if that was really what you were asking when you asked for analogy... so sorry if it isn't.
    I like the sentence that Rebekah commented on about the cat and mouse :-)
    In Christ, Susannah

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    1. Yeah, you basically got out of it what I intended for it to be about. Before I wrote it, I was aiming more for the theme to be why people don't change even when they know it would be better, but I realized later that introducing another character into it changed the main idea.

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  4. "Besides, thirteen is an unlucky number,". Is that from when I was deliciously creeped out about turning thirteen because I read that it used to be considered unlucky? Or is that a fact that you discovered without the help of my strange antics and dramaticies? :)

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    1. Are you kidding? I haven't learned anything from your 'strange antics and dramaticities'-simply how to laugh harder and be crazier. ;)

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    2. I suppose I didn't answer the question...
      No, I've known since perhaps before I met you or at least before we were really friends that thirteen is an unlucky number.

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  5. I like the way you put it
    it seems like someone
    is reading it to me

    mary ann

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